Social Standards and Dreams

Good Morning Bloggers, 

With the season of spring drawing upon us, Easter becoming closer by the day and Exam season just round the corner you have to excuse the lateness of this post. I know some of you think that all I do is blog, which was originally true, however now I have complications and assignments in my life which is always a depressing concept. However depressing concept or not they have to be written.
My dreams? 
I wanted to be a writer, hence the late rush to own a blog. I adored English and just simply hated my English teacher. I always believed and still do that my life was interesting enough to be written about, with all the high school complexes, the eating disorder, the anxiety attacks, the ability to fall in and out of love so quickly ... I'm a gossip girls dream. I spend my life fighting between the demons of what I want to do and what my parents expect me to do and I really want to be a writer but apparently business is my calling according to well anyone that knows me. I'm a team leader apparently. I thought this was just code name for bossy but I do have this ability to manipulate anyone and make them do what I want, I pick groups of friends that are nothing like me so that I either feel like a team leader or an outsider, risky business friend picking and not something that I would advise, you should probably actually want to be friends with your friends which most days I don't. Let me explain;

• University I have a social group of about 8 people. 4 housemates and 4 people that I do my course with
• In university there are about 2 additional people outside that social circle that I would include as my actual friends
• There are a plethora of irrelevant people that I speak to because I need to feel needed sometimes 
• There are a few people I dislike
• There are a few psycho's that I hate
• There are people that I just have never heard of

I pick the people that are not necessarily loyal to me because I have loyal friends that live half an hour away from me in my hometown I didn't come to university to make my life long friends, if that happened then that happened but it wasn't something that I was going to go out of my way to become. I refused to change when I went to university, I was not going to reinvent myself as other people seemed to have done. I was still the slightly orange, drinking champagne, problematic white girl that left high school with the same amount of issues that she had when she left. I became more open about my eating disorder forcing people to either accept or judge me, some people told me to JUST EAT - eugh irrelevant and some people told me that they didn't understand how I could do it! Please easily!

However, when I came to university I did not expect to fall in love. Like at all. I don't do love I do brief crushes and if they show an interest back I run away ... seriously run away but I'm staying at the moment. He's not into me and we are just friends but who knows I'm a problematic white girl who will over analyse everything in her head but maybe some of those analytically incorrect things will be the reason that we end up together.

Hope you have a brilliant day

Lots of Love

Spoilt Brunette 

xoxo 

Self Harm Awareness Day

I have spent a good four hours working on this post; quite simply because I want to give it justice

It's an important thing and a horrible thing that most people at some point find it easier to take a blade to themselves than have the ability to talk about their problems to someone {this is not necessarily the case sometimes people do talk about their problems I guess but I just felt that that was the issue with me}

I'm 19. 

I went through a stage of depression between the ages of 16-18

There are days I still feel depressed; it doesn't just go away

I have a few people that I believe might have caused elements of my depression

I certainly know that my depression was caused by my eating disorder

I know who caused part of my eating disorder

but do I have a right to "blame" anyone for my actions?

At the age of 16 I suffered with glandular fever. It was a horrible condition for anyone that had it and I soon found that my 8-10 size self could fit into a size 4 without any issues. I didn't notice the size, I noticed myself gaining weight once I felt better, I couldn't handle this and quickly began to restrict the amount of food that I ate. With each bite that I didn't eat the perfectionist within myself was fighting personal battles, the battle between wanting to be thin and wanting to be skinny and perfect and small and the battle between wanting my parents to understand what I was going to and to be the perfect daughter and to stop lying to them about everything within my life. It was hard and is still the thing that I regret most. Well that was that. Was it? of course not. People started to comment about how thin I was and what I was eating. Leave me alone, I feel sick every-time I eat. MORE LIES! {When where they going to stop} people tried to convince me to eat. I'll eat when I'm hungry. MORE LIES! The guilt began to rack up and one day I was so frustrated that I threw a glass across my room. The glass bounced off the radiator and hit my hand causing blood to pour out of my arm. I ran to the bathroom to clear myself up but there was something therapeutic about having an outward cut the idea that I wasn't just hurting outside, I wasn't just a pretty person anymore. I was disfigured by one small cut.

From then on wards every-time I starved I cut, to make myself feel guilty for what I was doing to other people.

That was until one day; I told my Mum I was sick and I needed to stay off school due to people bullying me about well me being me to be perfectly honest. I watched a documentary about a girl that had glandular fever and had died from being anorexic ... I panicked and confessed everything to my Mum. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was, she listened and told me that we could get the right amount of help for everything. Once I knew she didn't feel disapointed in me I stopped feeling as guilty about everything. I still don't eat alot. I still get depressed but sometimes when you work in a team it's easier to overcome things.

Self Harm Awareness; Ladies and Gentleman is not a joke

SpoiltBrunette xo

P.S I hope I did it justice

Good Friends are Hard to find

I have an hour before my 3-5 seminar [Ridiculous and Irrelevant time I know]

My room is a mess

My life is a mess

I got back from visiting my friend in University to find out that the friends that had "No money" and where "too Ill" to come out three days ago on my birthday last night, went out last night and I seem to be cutting people out of my life left, right and centre!

I feel a bit of background information might help in order to shed some light on this current (ongoing) issue within my life! I hate people. Simple as. I find that some people are incredibly rude and irritating and quite frankly I don't have time for them based on the fact that I don't like a negative aura around my life. As far as my friends are concerned I am the white girl, whose parents are rich and wants to be Kate Moss so quite frankly doesn't eat alot. Simple and accepted. Judged maybe, Listened to Never. There are simple problems in my life that I will never however be able to get over and one of them is liars. A million things float around my head at the point that the lie to me:

1. Do you really think that I am that stupid?
2. Do you honestly think that she wont tell me?
3. Would she tell me?
4. If she told me that to my face I might actually reflect on it (I wouldn't)!
5. Does she think that she can talk about me behind my back and then continue to be my friend (I do not think so angel)
6. Mistakes are made but you're repetitively making them!

I just don't like the concept of two of my friends not wanting to go out with my on a night out simply because I made a mistake once of getting really drunk. If I didn't speak to any one of my friends when they got that drunk I would have limited friends left. It was my birthday, pre-drinks would have harmed no-one if they had really not had that much money and if you where ill I understand but a cold has miraculously gone away.  Sometimes I feel like my life is a complicated soap opera (if my housemate sniffles one more time while I am writing this I am going to hit her) and then I realise that I would be pretty bored if it wasn't, my twitter would not have nearly 2,000 followers (KEEP FOLLOWING ME, MAKE IT HAPPEN) and you all wouldn't have me ranting at you of a morning. These people make me who I am, I learn my mistakes from them and they shape me to me the person that I am going to be for the rest of my life. I'm 19, it's not like my whole life has to me 100% figured out right this second. (right?) I just quite simply want to keep some friends though and my problem seems to be that I am really loyal to my friends and honestly don't understand why they can't do the same to me. It would only seem fair that they did? or am I just naive to believe that anyone would care about me more than me, my sister, my brother and my parents. 

That there could be the whole problem to my situation, my parents, they have brought me up to believe that "If you can help someone else without it directly affecting you, then do it!" 

I don't think that anyone will ever do this for me, ever and I think that good friends are hard to find and harder to hold onto, I think that life throws too many obsticals between you because it's a natural instinct for us to climb over obsticals to move onto the next stage of my life! It's dreadful! But if you  have a good friend keep them close, because I would do anything right now to have one.

I slightly depressed and reluctant to go to lectures spoilt brunette is now signing out

<3

Awkward Situations

I hate awkward situations.

Some people like them, some people have an awkward laugh and think their plain hysterical

Personally; their irritating and should not even happen

So it was my birthday on Monday and again thank you to everyone that wished me a happy birthday, it was lovely not my best birthday I must admit as I miss home and my beautiful city life, which unfortunately is not my University life but never the less I dressed up as if I was in the city and put my beautiful heels on and grabbed a taxi down to our one of two clubs (the one that is most lively on a Monday as it is our student night) and had a ball. I adore dancing, seriously I could be taken anywhere in the world and if a song that I loved played I would dance and dance well to add to the situation. SO I move from the bottom floor to the top floor and catch a guys eye, recognised him (kind of) and with the help of my housemate we worked out that during a party in freshers week I had kissed him while at a party until 4am (Oh it get's better) the reason that I never kept in touch with this guy was a) because he had a girlfriend (admittedly that never stopped me kissing him while I was very drunk) and b) because he declared his love to me through my housemates window and started calling me about 6 different names at which point I made one of our male friends escort him home while I went to bed! So that was the end of that!

Don't be ridiculous, when have my blogposts ever been this short that was not the end of the story.

He ... erm, recognised me too! He walked over to me and said "Hi, I know you don't I?" and I said "Yes, I ... erm, kissed you at a party at freshers week" He smiled and said "Right ... back when I had a girlfriend" so somehow I got his number, that bit I don't quite remember ... and he texted me saying that he had left the club and that if I wanted to get a taxi back to his I was very welcome (Never going to happen, I'm classier than that) I said no but if he wanted to come and sit in mine for a bit and drink with me then he was very welcome, he then offended me by telling me that his place was nicer than mine (please my student house is beautiful and isn't halls) so him offending me obviously didn't help his situation. I then got another text "Birthday Sex?" Cute, seriously cute, you honestly think that I am going to pay £5 in a taxi to get to your house, to have sex with you on my birthday 

a) You're honestly about a 5 - just because you're a holister model doesn't mean anything you could simply be there to make the others look about a 10

b) IT'S MY GOD DAMN BIRTHDAY - you should come (excuse the punn) to me!

So endless to say that even though he would text me later, he didn't and I have not heard anything since. The holister guy was most definitely not my prince charming and was definitely not him don't know who him is? well there's a blog post somewhere on my site or simply follow my twitter @spoiltbrunette and I am sure that you will here me writing about him.

Disappointing birthday to say the least and it just got me in an irritating mood, some guys think they are gods gift

Spoilt Brunette Signing Out

xoxox

I'M SO EXCITED

I have been ridiculously excited all day about this and it has put me in a good mood that people have commented about but as an anonymous writer there is no way that I can write "I'm doing a giveaway on my blog" so I just said that I was having a good day and that I was expecting good things to happen which I am. So my giveaway... I was going to put one of those apps in but I don't know how long I am going to leave this competition going for so I didn't put one in, to enter all you have to do is the following:

• Make sure you follow me on this blog, I will check
• Make sure you follow my twitter @spoiltbrunette - if you like my blog surely you'll like my twitter
• Write below your most spoilt moment (I literally am so excited to hear them all)
• And write if you would like a popcorn or a bubblegum lip scrub

Example:

• I follow the blog my blog name is "Spoilt Brunette" I follow you on twitter my twitter is @spoiltbrunette and my most spoilt moment is making my mum come and get me from london because I had missed the last train because I was too busy drinking vodka to look at the time. I would like a bubblegum lip scrub!

Sorted? Excited? GO GO GO GO!

Long Due!

So where on earth have I been?

I'm not really 100% sure, I mean of course I know where I have been over the last few days I have been at home recovering from having my tonsils removed. Which got reinfected and there was a whole palava (is that a word, if not it should be and should be pronounced pa-la-va and it means a confusion) about the way that the hospital had treated me and negligent of care! I'm fine now before you all rush to my comments box and be like "Our dear Spoilt Brunette, we hope you are okay!" as I would like to imagine that you would do but there isn't time for that I am afraid because well I reached 25 followers and that means that I will be doing a giveaway anytime soon! The giveaway will be open until I reach 50 followers and there will be a lush lip-scrub being given away and you can pick what flavor you want because I am totally flexible like that.

Now that's all sorted ... What am I going to be talking to you about today? Well ... 

The sad point in my life is that I'm going to therapy soon, my doctor has finally decided that my anxiety is affecting my life far too much (Which I really wanted to reply to him "No really sherlock" but the sarcastic princess in myself restrained myself from doing so). So I'm sure that you have read Zoella's post on panic attacks and have watched her video on it, if you haven't and read this post and think I might be suffering from this too then I suggest that you watch her video because it describes exactly what panic attacks in a nutshell are.

♥ My anxiety attacks can come on in all situations and that must be the main thing that annoys me the most is that there are obvious sometimes but other times there aren't

♥ I over analyse all situations getting myself into ... for what a better phrase I'm not sure I have yet but a hamster wheel of worries and it is the worst thing that you can ever do because in the words of my parents "How do you eat an elephant? In small bites"

♥Mine often are caused by arguments not necessarily major ones but just conflict all the same in which I worry about people's perception of me but I do have elements of OCD and that is also triggered by it meaning that when I had an argument with my housemates I didn't go to University for two weeks (I guess that would be why they have put me into therapy but what can you do)

So what do I do about this? How do I manage in everyday life? 

♥ I don't sometimes

♥I phone my parents a lot, their my solid ground

♥I went through alot of relaxation therapy and had to make an anchor to somewhere that I felt comfortable

♥I tweet, when I am stressed I tweet alot more than when I am not, It's a reflex

♥I breath (so do you) but I concentrate on my breathing alot more

♥I try and think of all the situations and how I can remove some of the things that are worrying me

♥I write alot of to do lists, I like to be in control

So here's the thing I was wondering what you all do in order to overcome any issues that you have, leave me a comment I'd love to read about them

Liebster Award (2)

♥ Who are your favourite youtubers? TylerOakley, Jacksgap, Swalkermakeup, Zoella and AllThatGlitters21.

♥  What inspired you to start your blog and when did you start blogging? I started blogging a few months ago on a tumblr account, sharing my experiences and my recovery techniques as I adored my followers and really wanted them to get better, soon enough people where asking me other questions such as what makeup I used and how I applied it and what products would I recommend. After a few weeks of wondering if anyone actually read what I posted I decided that I would get a blogger account

♥ What is/was your favourite subject at school and why? I'm classically trained, so I simply adored music and have done since a young age, I loved music and being in a music lesson but found it fustrating because I was quite a bit ahead of the people in my year but when the classes got smaller at GCSE I adored it and did very well in it but when I got to A level I had a terrible teacher and simply hated it

♥ What do you want to achieve by blogging? I don't want to achieve anything I simply just adore being a part of the community

♥ What is your best beauty buy which was under £5? Some of the MUA pallets probably

♥ Do you know/have any makeup dupes? I must be really blonde as I don't understand this question

♥ Which book are you currently reading or what was the last book you read? I blame it on my fairy godmother

♥ What is a film that you have seen loads of times but still love it? The wizard of Oz

♥ What is your favourite quote? What cannot be solved with a gossip session and a glass of wine can simply not be solved

I'm going to edit this when I've thought of questions later

Liebster Award (1)

Today I got a comment on one of my blog posts from Kathryn-Hannah nominating me for a Liebster award. It was cute to know that people enjoy reading my blog which I guess is the aim of me speaking everyday! So down to what she asked me

♥ What's the one item you couldn't live without? I'm an extreme twitterholic so the likelyhood is that I'd struggle without my phone as even for a week when I go away on holiday I struggle not being able to put forward my idea's and being a spoilt little brat that expects everyone to listen to her.

♥ Do you have any pets? If not, what pet would you like? I have 2 dogs and 2 cats and they are honestly the most precious things in the world to me but I have always wanted a chinchilla and to be very cute and dress them up in little outfits

♥ Your favourite holiday and why? I went away to barcelona with the school and loved that holiday because I was old enough not to miss home too much 

♥ Book or film first? It all depends on the film but probably a book first

♥ Who's your biggest inspiration? In general or in the blogging world? Well in general I would probably pick cherry healey I adore her and if you haven't watched any of her documentaries you have seriously missed out and they are quite hard to find but she has a blog too on the BBC website under lifestyle and in the blogging world I adore swalkermakeup and zoella.

♥ Who's your celebrity crush? Justin Timberlake and Paul Rudd

♥ Describe yourself in one word. My friend describes me as RARE so I'm going to go with that one

♥ Where would you go if you could travel through time and why? I am completely clueless on what I would do, I think that I would be too nervous that there would be a paradox

♥ Where's your favourite place to spend money? Superdrug

♥ If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be? I'd want to be able to make everyone happy, even if it was simply giving them a smile everyday 

♥ What's your favourite gift that your received? Most defiantly my heated rollers I heart them so much

And now for my eleven questions:

♥ If you had to live without one makeup product what would it be?

♥ If you could have any celebrities clothes for the day who would you pick?

♥ What is your favourite song of all time?

♥ What was your favourite subject in school?

♥ When you where six what did you want to be when you grew up?

♥ Are you a mummy's or daddies girl?

♥ Do you have any siblings and if so are you close to them?

♥ If you could win a sample of EVERY product in ONE store what would it be?

♥ What is your most used perfume?

♥ If you could have any animal in the world what would it be?

♥ What is your favorite film?

and I nominate: http://kathryn-hannah.blogspot.co.uk/

http://kimberley-xxx.blogspot.co.uk/

http://littlepurpleorchid.blogspot.co.uk/

Beauty Blogger Tag

I thought this looked like a bit of fun and that I would give it ago, I saw this on Jodie's Jotting's blog so check her out because she's fabulous http://jodiesjottings.blogspot.co.uk. So here we go;

• Is your hair naturally curly or straight? My hair is naturally curly but not really curly more wavey
• What is your natural hair colour? A dark brownish colour
• Do you dye it yourself or go to a salon? Salon
• How often do you was your hair? Every other day
• Do you wear the same style each day or change it? No I do a sort of mean girls rule towards my hair and attempt to change the style everyday
• Do you do your own mani/pedi or go to a salon? Depends what mood I am in
• How often do you change your nail polish? Every other day!
• Do you polish your toes in the winter, too or just in the summer? Always
• How long does it take to put on your makeup? an hour! god that sounds awful [please someone tell me if the do the same]
• What do you do first your face or eyes? Face! who does their eyes first?
• Do you "collect" makeup or just buy what you need what you need it? I collect definitely!
• How often do you wear false eyelashes? Every three days
• Do you do a full face of makeup every day? Yes! Even if I am not going out
• Do you wear makeup when you are home alone (or with family? Yes
• Will you leave the house without makeup? Rarely
• How many high end products do you have? 30:70 ratio
• How often do you wash your makeup brushes? Every two weeks
• Do you plan your OOTD every night or decide when you are getting dressed? A little bit of both
• How often do you change your handbag? I switch between three or four weekly
• What time do you get up and go to sleep? My alarm is set for 7:15am everyday and I got to sleep not alot as I suffer with insomnia
• How often and when do you work out? Not as much as I should
• Left handed or right handed? RIGHTTTT!
• How tall are you? 5'7"
• Do you speak a foreign language? French kind of, but I really want to brush up on it one of my friends does three and puts me to shame
• How many pets do you have? 4; 2 dogs and 2 cats
• How often are you on Blogger? Everyday
• Do you read the comments posted on your blogs? Yes and I reply
• Do you keep a list of products to try as you see other posts? No but that is a fabulous idea
• How did you come up with your blog name? It's what my daddy calls me
• What kind of camera do you use for your photographs? Either my 3gs or my lumix camera
• How often do you clean your house? Daily but I live in student housing at the moment
• What is your favourite colour? I really like teal, pink and red
• What is your favourite beauty/ fashion magazine? Company magazine
• Do you swear? Yes far too much, I get fustrated alot
• What are you doing with the rest of your day? Assignment work and exam prep

Thank you for reading beautiful's and give the tag ago and post yours below I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to read them!

xoxo

Oh Like My God;

So I just got into the bath. I'm sick and I rarely ever have baths because I'm in University so as my previous post said I get a bit sad about that fact. So I said to the mother that I was going for a bath and she said there is a Vanilla bath wash by the side of the bath. Yeah Yeah I said dismissing this fact as I don't normally like the stuff my Mother buys as I find that she buys things based on them being there not because she has done any research on them and normally is just brand loyal and rebuys products. Well oh my gosh I was wrong this little bottle, which incidentally isn't so little, was the most amazing thing that I have ever used. So I thought about it and thought how on earth am I going to write a blog post on this I don't even know where it is from and how much it is and well fear not my little bloggers because I just googled it and it turns out that you can get this magical product from boots for £2.49 and it is honestly the nicest smelling thing that you will ever buy and if that simply isn't enough to convince you to give this ago, the packaging is JUST SO CUTE. It has little messages on and facts that it thinks that you should do and if it was impossible to fall in love with a product I think I have.

http://www.boots.com/en/The-Pink-Cow-Vanilla-Biscuit-shower-gel_999606/

So that is the link of the product and you should let me know if you have ever used it or given it a try or anything and I will definitely be looking into this company again because it's just beautiful!

LUSH LUSH LUSH!

Lush is one of my favourite words as I am sure you all know but it's more than that to me it is also my favourite shop. Amazing right! Just coincidental but never the less fabulous so because I'm cute and lush and chic I decided that I would share with you my favourite product of all time by lush.



Honestly you look at me like I am absolute weirdo and that there are many other things that I could tell you about from LUSH but I'm not a major bath person due to only having a shower in University but this on the other hand is a product for everyone. It's beautiful and the love of my life without being dramatic. It tastes amazing and people have tweeted me and are like erm @spoiltbrunette do you think you should be eating that but that's the amazing thing you can eat it and it's a vegan product. The most important thing about this though on a serious note is that it keeps your lips in perfect condition which for me just made it one of the top things that I always carry around with me. I suffer with really badly chapped lips, especially when I am sick which is a lot, because I have a low immune system I find it hard to keep hydrated sometimes due to perminant sore throats. So honestly this is a serious must.

My second favourite product, you thought I was only going to do one but I cannot I love LUSH far too much, is ... (drumroll please) ... is the cocktail solid perfume. It was the weirdest concept that I had and have probably to this day ever come across but it was recommended to me by a friend so off I went out and bought it to be my normal self and have to establish an opinion on everything so that I can be the center of most conversations. So I bought it and wow it was amazing, the cocktail fragrant is definitely my favorite but you can buy so many others, just go and give them a little sniff in LUSH their very cool with that! I thought that concept was weird because it was a perfume stick and still find that concept weird but it's an amazing product all the same.

So I thought that maybe, I know I promised at 100 followers and I will but maybe if I reach 25 I'll giveaway a lush bubblegum lipscrub and maybe at 50 I will give away a cocktail perfume stick. Let me know what you think about that? Let me know what lush products you love and if you love lush as much as me?

xoxox

There must be a halfway point.

For those that know me from me previously blogging from my tumblr blog you will know about him. For those that don't know about him, here's the background story.

For years me and him where best friends, better than best friends, we had that whole flirtation ship going on and I loved him to pieces. Everybody thought that we where either a couple or where going to be a couple. It was hard when out of the blue one day he decided that he just didn't want to speak to me anymore... Just like that out of the blue. Now that was until about a month ago being understood that we hang spoken prior to that for a year maybe.

Well today was one of those days, we spoke and again those same feelings of him being everything I ever wanted from a boyfriend came back. I'm 18 nearly 19 years old and I sat flicking between the home screen and his Facebook message until he messaged me back it was stupid!

Here's my thought though I'm scared that we will get close again and then he'll just leave me again! He is the soul reason that I don't want a boyfriend because I'm scared they'll show interest and leave!
Blogging from a messed up point of view
Xoxox

100 Followers Promise

So my beautiful inspiration zoella [www.zoella.co.uk] does giveaways on a regular basis and I thought that it would be a cool idea to sort of link in the whole I want to do a bit of beauty on here and things that I buy because well it's a lifestyle blog and I buy alot of stuff so when I reach 100 followers I'm going to do one or two giveaway items of a bag full of the sample products that I adore from avon, infact who knows what I'll do when it comes it but that's the idea at the moment because I adore avon it's one of my favourite companies so I'm sure that you will all adore it too. So spread the word of my blog and what I am going to do and my twitter and tumblr and well yes :) Giveaways are to come
xoxox

So Here We Go!

So after so much talk about it I finally did it I moved onto blog spot in hope of meeting more people alike me who just literally talk about their life. I am still going to blog about my recovery, my eating and how I managed to change. I'm going to blog about the food that I eat and I can show pictures of it. I can do hauls and reviews guys it is going to be so much fun I promise!

Thankyou all for all your support I wouldn't be doing this without you

xoxox