Good Friends are Hard to find

I have an hour before my 3-5 seminar [Ridiculous and Irrelevant time I know]

My room is a mess

My life is a mess

I got back from visiting my friend in University to find out that the friends that had "No money" and where "too Ill" to come out three days ago on my birthday last night, went out last night and I seem to be cutting people out of my life left, right and centre!

I feel a bit of background information might help in order to shed some light on this current (ongoing) issue within my life! I hate people. Simple as. I find that some people are incredibly rude and irritating and quite frankly I don't have time for them based on the fact that I don't like a negative aura around my life. As far as my friends are concerned I am the white girl, whose parents are rich and wants to be Kate Moss so quite frankly doesn't eat alot. Simple and accepted. Judged maybe, Listened to Never. There are simple problems in my life that I will never however be able to get over and one of them is liars. A million things float around my head at the point that the lie to me:

1. Do you really think that I am that stupid?
2. Do you honestly think that she wont tell me?
3. Would she tell me?
4. If she told me that to my face I might actually reflect on it (I wouldn't)!
5. Does she think that she can talk about me behind my back and then continue to be my friend (I do not think so angel)
6. Mistakes are made but you're repetitively making them!

I just don't like the concept of two of my friends not wanting to go out with my on a night out simply because I made a mistake once of getting really drunk. If I didn't speak to any one of my friends when they got that drunk I would have limited friends left. It was my birthday, pre-drinks would have harmed no-one if they had really not had that much money and if you where ill I understand but a cold has miraculously gone away.  Sometimes I feel like my life is a complicated soap opera (if my housemate sniffles one more time while I am writing this I am going to hit her) and then I realise that I would be pretty bored if it wasn't, my twitter would not have nearly 2,000 followers (KEEP FOLLOWING ME, MAKE IT HAPPEN) and you all wouldn't have me ranting at you of a morning. These people make me who I am, I learn my mistakes from them and they shape me to me the person that I am going to be for the rest of my life. I'm 19, it's not like my whole life has to me 100% figured out right this second. (right?) I just quite simply want to keep some friends though and my problem seems to be that I am really loyal to my friends and honestly don't understand why they can't do the same to me. It would only seem fair that they did? or am I just naive to believe that anyone would care about me more than me, my sister, my brother and my parents. 

That there could be the whole problem to my situation, my parents, they have brought me up to believe that "If you can help someone else without it directly affecting you, then do it!" 

I don't think that anyone will ever do this for me, ever and I think that good friends are hard to find and harder to hold onto, I think that life throws too many obsticals between you because it's a natural instinct for us to climb over obsticals to move onto the next stage of my life! It's dreadful! But if you  have a good friend keep them close, because I would do anything right now to have one.

I slightly depressed and reluctant to go to lectures spoilt brunette is now signing out

<3